barbara walters just said penis...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
