Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
