it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
