so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
