Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
