how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
