I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize