You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
