theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
