Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just invented taco cereal.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
