I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
