ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
