hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
