do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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