Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
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