we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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