I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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