The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
