don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
