hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
