just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
