Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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