The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
