school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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