woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
