i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
