Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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