i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
