how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Randomize
