I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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