I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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