We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
