well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
