I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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