is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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