i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
