Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
