Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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