Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
