I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
