one two three fourrrrnication!
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
