he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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