I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
