Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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