Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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