that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
