Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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