i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
