a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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