oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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