I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
