got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
