New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
