you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
