WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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