you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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