i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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