I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
