Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
