Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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