he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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