There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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