I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
