it's not cheating when I paid for it
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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