I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
