he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm always down for nudity.
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