I only kidnapped one of them. chill
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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