seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
