i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
