Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
