Christians are straight up FREAKS
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
