thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
