there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
