Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
