shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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