Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I faked an abortion last night.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
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he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
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I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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