Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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