he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
