yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
