i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
